What to Do When You’re Triggered:
A Toolkit for Reconnection & Self-Regulation
We all have moments when something someone says or does sets off an instant reaction inside us.
I know this feeling well—one moment, I’m present, and the next, it’s like something hijacks my body. My chest tightens, my mind starts racing, and before I know it, I’m either shutting down or saying something I don’t mean.
This is what it means to be triggered. It’s not a flaw, and it’s not proof that one of you is right and the other is wrong. It’s simply your nervous system reacting to something that feels unsafe or uncertain in some way.
Table of Contents
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🌿 How This Toolkit Can Serve You
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🌀 Choosing the Right Tool for the Moment
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🌿Creating a Supportive Space for These Practices
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🌿The Meditations & Their Purpose:
– Mini Self-Connection Meditation
– Resistance Meditation
– Self-Regulation Meditation
– Values Meditation
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🌿Living the Practice
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- Communication is Complex—This Toolkit is Just One Piece
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- Bringing This Into Your Life: Practical Integration Tips
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- Returning to a Tricky Conversation
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🌿 Final Reflection: This is a Practice, Not a Destination
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📚 Sources & Inspirations
1.🌿 Why We Need Support When Triggered
For a long time, I believed that if I could just explain myself better or find the right words in the moment, things would go differently. But what I’ve realized is that when I’m triggered, I’m often reacting before I even know what I really need.
In those moments, I’ve caught myself speaking from urgency—trying to fix, blame, or retreat before I even understand what I truly want to communicate.
And I’ve seen how this can lead to saying things I don’t mean, avoiding difficult conversations, or feeling stuck in the same patterns over and over again.
That’s why I created this toolkit—not as a way to avoid conflict, but as a way to pause and reconnect before responding.
These meditations aren’t about forcing yourself to be calm. They’re here to support you in finding a different way forward—one where you can move from reactivity to clarity and respond in a way that actually feels true to you.
2.🌿 How This Toolkit Can Serve You...
Each meditation and journal prompt in this toolkit is designed to support different stages of self-connection—helping you move from reactivity to regulation so you can understand yourself more clearly and express yourself with confidence.
I come back to these tools when I notice that I’m feeling overwhelmed, stuck in a reactive spiral, or struggling to express myself. They help me step out of the automatic patterns I’ve been caught in and reconnect to what actually matters.
You can use these tools whenever you need them, in any order that feels right.
Some days, a quick 1-minute reset is enough. Other times, I need to slow down and go deeper with a meditation or journaling.
There’s no right or wrong way to use this. The key is to start where you are and trust yourself.
3. 🌀 Choosing the Right Tool for the Moment
💡 Not sure where to start? Here’s how I use them:
🔹 When I feel overwhelmed or reactive: → I use the Mini Self-Connection Meditation to reset quickly.
🔹 When I don’t even want to self-connect: → I turn to the Resistance Meditation—to meet myself gently before I force myself into change.
🔹 When I feel emotionally flooded and need to regulate: → I slow down with the Self-Regulation Meditation.
🔹 When I want clarity before responding: → I do the Values Meditation to anchor myself in what truly matters before I speak.
I personally find that the Values Meditation is most effective once I feel a little more relaxed and not caught in the direct impact of a dysregulated nervous system. So while you can use any meditation whenever you need it, this may be the only one I recommend doing after one of the others—or in a moment when you're not intensely activated but want clarity about something that's been on your mind.
4. 🌿 Creating a Supportive Space for These Practices:
If possible, find a quiet spot where you won’t be disturbed. But if that’s not an option—know that these meditations can still support you anywhere: on a walk, in your car (parked!), in the restroom, or even mid-conversation if needed.
You don’t have to do them perfectly. Just press play, breathe, and let yourself be supported.
Some people like being guided by voice. Others prefer journaling or moving their body. You can mix and match—whatever helps you connect.
These tools are here to help you return to your own clarity, in your own way.
5.🌿
The Meditations & Their Purpose
Mini Self-Connection Meditation (1.5 min)
What It’s For:
A quick emergency self-regulation tool to use in the middle of a tricky conversation or triggering situation.
What It Does:
This short, 1.5-minute meditation helps you come back to your centre when you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed. Instead of reacting from a triggered state, it supports you in feeling more connected to yourself before continuing the conversation.
Why It Works:
When we’re triggered, our nervous system shifts into Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn mode. This pulls us out of reasoning and awareness, making it difficult to make grounded, reality-based decisions.
In these moments, the body is alerting us to a perceived danger, urging us to react quickly in order to feel safe. But not all triggers are actual threats.
This meditation gently guides you through the first steps of self-regulation—helping you simply feel what is here now without getting lost in the reaction.
It may sound simple, yet when we are dysregulated, this first step is often the hardest to take. That’s why this meditation is short, direct, and effective—it helps you interrupt the cycle and re-anchor into the present moment.
🖊️ Mini Self-Connection – Written Practice
Alternative to Meditation | Inspired by the work of NVC trainer Mary McKenzie
If you’re not in the space to meditate right now, you can use this written practice to gently return to yourself in the middle of a tricky moment.
How to begin:
Take a pen and paper. Sit somewhere quiet if you can. Let your breath settle just a little.
Then, follow these simple steps:
1️⃣ Write down one thought—whatever is in your mind right now.
✍️ It doesn’t have to be important or profound. Just name what’s here.
2️⃣ Pause. Close your eyes for a few seconds.
Notice what you feel in your body. Then write it down.
🤍 What are the physical sensations? What emotions are present?
3️⃣ Name one thing you desire or long for in this moment.
Maybe it’s ease. Understanding. Space. Reassurance. Write that down.
4️⃣ Take a breath. Then write down the next thought that arises.
And repeat the process.
🌀 Do this for a few rounds—until you begin to feel even slightly more anchored in yourself. Even a little shift matters.
Afterward, take a moment to reflect:
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What do you notice about this experience?
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How do you feel now?
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What might you be needing in this moment?
Resistance Meditation
What It’s For:
This meditation is for moments when you don’t want to self-connect or find it difficult to be with your emotions and reactions.
Instead of forcing yourself to “fix” or change how you feel, this practice gently supports you in welcoming the resistance itself—allowing your body’s wisdom to guide you toward what you need now.
What It Does:
Ironically, the more we allow ourselves to fully feel resistance, discomfort, or emotional numbness, the more space we create for a natural shift to occur.
By gently making space for what’s already here, this meditation helps you move into a more open, connected state—one where you can feel your emotions more fully without resistance.
Because your emotions are your guide to your deeper needs and desires, this practice helps you listen to what is truly important to you in this moment.
Why It Works:
This meditation is inspired by the "Letting Go Technique" developed by David Hawkins.
Our emotional reactions are created by chemical releases in the brain—which means that, on a biological level, an emotion only lasts about 60–90 seconds.
What makes us suffer or stay stuck in anger, fear, or anxiety for much longer is the looping of triggers—through rumination, re-triggering, or resisting what we feel.
When we fully allow an emotion to exist without fighting it, we disrupt this cycle and give the emotion a chance to run its course and shift naturally.
This meditation will support you in moving through these emotional states—bringing you back into a state of regulation, inner safety, and being able to access deeper self-awareness.
From this place, you can take the next step towards greater clarity on what you truly need and how to communicate it with honesty and presence.
🖊️ Resistance – Written Practice
Alternative to Meditation | A space to meet your “No” with curiosity
If you feel disconnected, numb, or like you just don’t want to feel or be present—this is for you.
This is not a practice of forcing or fixing. It’s an invitation to gently turn toward what’s here, with the smallest amount of willingness to explore.
How to begin:
Take your journal and write freely in response to the following prompts. There’s no right pace—just notice and respond to what resonates.
1️⃣ What are you resisting right now?
It could be an emotion, a conversation, a task, or even the idea of doing this practice. Be honest. Name it plainly.
2️⃣ What does that resistance feel like in your body?
Is it tight? Flat? Heavy? Is it located anywhere specific? Write what you notice, even if it’s vague or uncertain.
3️⃣ What thoughts are wrapped up in this resistance?
Are you telling yourself something about what will happen if you face this? Are you worried it will be too much?
4️⃣ What happens when you let the resistance be there?
Breathe. Feel. Don’t try to change it. Just describe what you notice—does it shift, stay the same, or reveal something else?
5️⃣ How is it to stay here, just like this?
You don’t have to figure it out. You’re just practicing being with yourself, as you are.
Afterward, you might reflect:
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Did anything soften or shift?
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What was it like to stay with this part of you without trying to change it?
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What are you noticing in your body now?
Self-Regulation Meditation
What It’s For:
This meditation is for moments when you feel emotionally activated and need to calm your nervous system before returning to a conversation or decision from a place of clarity.
Instead of reacting from stress, overwhelm, or urgency, this practice helps you pause, regulate, and realign—so you can engage with presence instead of reactivity.
What It Does:
Like the Resistance Meditation, this practice invites you to welcome the emotions that are present rather than resisting or pushing them away.
It helps you move out of a state of dysregulation—where emotions are running the show—and into a state of regulation, where you can reconnect with yourself and respond with greater awareness.
By shifting from reactive mode to a grounded, receptive state, this meditation supports you in seeing the situation as it really is—not just through the lens of emotional activation.
Why It Works:
This meditation integrates the Letting Go Technique (see Resistance Meditation), helping you move through emotions by fully feeling them until they naturally shift.
Additionally, it offers self-recognition and compassion—acknowledging how you feel and why, rather than dismissing or suppressing your experience.
By bringing gentle awareness to your emotions and nervous system state, you create an internal reset that makes it easier to:
✔ Reconnect with your true intentions for the conversation.
✔ Engage with greater clarity and presence rather than defensiveness or withdrawal.
✔ Be more available to continue the interaction in a way that feels aligned and authentic.
🖊️ Self-Regulation – Written Practice
Alternative to Meditation | A gentle process to help you come back to yourself
This practice is here to support you when you're emotionally overwhelmed, agitated, or feeling ungrounded.
You don’t need to make yourself feel better—you’re simply slowing down enough to feel what’s here, and begin to care for it.
How to begin:
Find a quiet space and write freely in response to the prompts below.
Let this be a dialogue between you and the part of you that is activated. Go slowly, and pause as needed.
1️⃣ What’s happening right now?
What was the moment that brought you here? Try to name the situation briefly.
2️⃣ What am I feeling in my body?
Close your eyes for a moment. Is there tension, shakiness, heat, numbness, tightness in your chest or throat? Try to describe it like a weather report—no need to analyze it.
3️⃣ What emotions are here?
Are you angry, hurt, anxious, ashamed? Can you feel the emotional tone beneath the surface?
4️⃣ What is this part of me caring for / trying to protect?
Even if you don’t know for sure, write what comes. This is not to fix, but to name and honour the protective impulse and values that you're standing for.
5️⃣ What would I say to this part of me if I were a loving parent or friend?
You might try phrases like:
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“Of course you feel this way.”
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“Its ok to feel..”
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“I’m here with you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
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Write your own response..
Afterward, pause and ask:
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What do I feel now, after giving some space to this part of me?
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Is there anything I want to do, say, or not do, from this place of greater awareness?
Values Meditation
What It’s For:
This meditation is a powerful next step when you need clarity on what truly matters to you before entering a conversation or making a decision.
Instead of reacting from emotion alone, this practice helps you connect with the deeper values driving your response, so you can bring them into your communication with greater awareness and intention.
What It Does:
Before listening to this meditation, you’ll be invited to journal and reflect on the core values that are guiding you in this situation.
Your values are the driving forces behind your emotions, reactions, and choices—they are the things you care about most.
This meditation will guide you to experience your values fully—helping you move beyond abstract ideas and into a felt sense of what truly matters.
By deepening your awareness of your values, you’ll be better prepared to bring them into your conversations, relationships, and decision-making with clarity and confidence.
Why It Works:
This meditation is inspired by the work of Robert Gonzales and Yoram Mosenzon, two experienced trainers in Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a method developed by Marshall Rosenberg.
At the heart of NVC is the understanding that everything we say or do (or don’t say/do) is an attempt to meet our human needs and values.
💡 Our emotions are messengers. They tell us when our needs are fulfilled (joy, love, excitement) or unfulfilled (frustration, anxiety, anger, guilt).
💡 This meditation helps you dive deeper into the needs that are driving you.
By exploring why something is important to you and how it shows up in your life, you’ll gain:
✔ A clearer sense of what you truly need in this conversation.
✔ The ability to express your needs with clarity instead of reacting from frustration or reactivity.
✔ More confidence in asking for what you need from a place of deep self-awareness.
Journal Prompts:
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What does this value mean to me?
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Why is it important to me?
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How does it show up in different areas of my life?
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What does it feel like when this value is met?
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Do I struggle to meet this value sometimes? If so, what is that like?
Bringing it into your life:
What’s something concrete I can say, do, or ask for that would help me honour this value—today or sometime soon?
It can be simple, small, and doable.
To keep it clear and actionable, check if your request is:
✔ Doable – Something you or someone else can actually do or say. (Rather than asking someone to “be more X.”)
✔ Time-bound – When will this happen? Now? Tomorrow? After dinner?
✔ Concrete – What / where / when / how will this happen?
Examples of Clear Requests:
Value: Consideration
Request: “Can you tell me what you understood about my experience of our argument last night? I think hearing how you imagine I felt might help me feel more considered.”
Value: Space
Request: “I’d like some time to myself this evening. Can we continue our conversation tomorrow after lunch?”
Value: Teamwork
Request: “I’d love to feel like we’re working as a team tonight. Would you be up for putting the kids to bed while I clean up from dinner?”
6.🌿
Living The Practice
Communication is Complex—This Toolkit is Just One Piece
For a long time, I thought that if I could just express myself more clearly, everything would work out. But I’ve come to see that communication is so much more layered than just saying the right words.
Even when we express ourselves with clarity, there’s no guarantee the other person will respond the way we hope. That’s because every conversation is shaped by more than just what we say.
💡 What actually impacts communication?
✔ Our intentions—what we truly want to express.
✔ The other person’s emotional state—how open or reactive they are.
✔ The history between us—patterns we unconsciously repeat.
✔ Unspoken beliefs & assumptions—the things we don’t even realize shape our interactions.
🌿 So, what is this toolkit actually for?
It does not intend to make every conversation go perfectly.
It’s intention is to help you self-connect, self-regulate, and return to tricky moments with more choice.
When we feel calmer and clearer, we can engage in difficult conversations without losing ourselves in reactivity or shutting down.
Effectively moving through conflict often takes more than self-connection—it requires skills like deep listening, attunement, setting boundaries, and navigating complex dynamics. If you're ready to explore these deeper layers, you’ll find additional resources and ways to work with me on my website.
Bringing This Into Your Life: Practical Integration Tips
These meditations are not just for the moments when you’re in conflict. The more you practice self-connection outside of difficult conversations, the easier it becomes to access it when you need it most.
Here are some ways to integrate these tools into your daily life:
✅ Use the meditations proactively – Don’t wait until you’re in a heated moment to practice self-connection. Try using one of these meditations in a calm moment or between conversations to deepen your awareness and get familiar with the process.
✅ Pause before responding – If you feel activated during a conversation, take 30 seconds to breathe or excuse yourself for a moment. Listen to the Mini Self-Connection Meditation (1.5 mins). Even a brief pause can completely shift the tone of the interaction.
✅ Reflect on patterns – Notice which situations tend to trigger you the most. Is there a recurring theme? Using the Values Meditation and journal prompts can help you identify the deeper needs behind the conflict.
✅ Try journaling after a conversation – If a conversation didn’t go as you hoped, instead of replaying it in your mind, write down what happened. What emotions came up? What were you needing? How might you show up differently next time? Use the journal prompts to guide you.
✅ Make repair a priority – If a conversation became tense or reactive, it’s okay to come back later and say,
"I realize I wasn’t fully present when we spoke earlier. I’d like to try again when we’re both feeling more open."
Returning to a Tricky Conversation
If you’ve stepped away from a difficult conversation to self-regulate, how do you return to it in a way that feels productive and grounded?
✔ Check in with yourself first – Are you still feeling reactive? Do you feel more open? If you need more time, take it. Or, if you’re still feeling activated, you can choose to let that be part of your process—there’s no “right way” to re-engage. Every choice is an opportunity for learning if you allow it to be.
✔ Acknowledge your experience – You don’t have to justify why you stepped away, but you can say something like,
"I needed a moment to gather my thoughts because I really want to approach this with care."
✔ Get curious about the other person’s experience – If they are still upset, try listening before (or after) sharing your side. You might say,
"I want to understand how this feels for you before I share my perspective."
✔ Express your needs with clarity – If your Values Meditation helped you identify what truly matters, try saying,
"What really matters to me in this situation is _______."
✔ Stay flexible – Even if you express yourself clearly, the other person may still struggle to hear you. That’s okay.
👉 The goal is not control—it’s connection.
7. 🌿 Final Reflection: This is a Practice, Not a Destination
Self-connection and mindful communication aren’t about getting it perfect or mastering some ideal version of yourself.
They’re about learning, noticing, and making small shifts over time.
💡 The more you practice, the more natural it becomes.
Some days, you’ll navigate a conversation with clarity and presence.
Other days, you might fall back into old patterns. That’s okay.
🌿 Every moment—even the messy ones—is an opportunity to grow.
Be kind to yourself in this process. Progress isn’t measured by never getting triggered—it’s in how you choose to meet yourself when you do.
📚 Sources & Inspirations
Many of the practices in this toolkit draw upon the work of brilliant thinkers, practitioners, and teachers who have shaped the fields of self-awareness, relational healing, and embodied communication:
🔹 Nonviolent Communication (NVC) - Marshall Rosenberg
At the core of NVC is the understanding that all our actions and words are an attempt to meet deeper human needs. The Values Meditation is inspired by the work of Robert Gonzales and Yoram Mosenzon, both experienced NVC trainers who expand on how to embody needs-based awareness in communication.
🔹 The Letting Go Technique - David Hawkins
Both the Resistance Meditation and the Self-Regulation Meditation are influenced by Hawkins’ approach to emotional processing, which teaches that fully feeling an emotion (without resisting or indulging it) allows it to shift naturally.
🔹 Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) - Sue Johnson
The Feedback Loop concept is drawn from Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which helps couples recognize and shift recurring relational cycles that keep them stuck in disconnection.
These tools have been shaped by my own experiences and practice, but I deeply honor the wisdom that has come before me. If you’re curious about these teachers, I highly recommend exploring their work further.
